Thursday, 22 November 2012

Who am I?

It's a strange title I know. If I don't know who I am then how on earth are you supposed to! Of course I know my name, where I live, what my job is, even the fact that my son and I need feeding on a regular basis, but what I'm finding peculiar is the fallout from my daughter leaving to go to Uni.

I haven't blogged for a while as frankly I didn't know where to start. I can talk about the huge amount (for me) of knitting I've completed. There's nothing like a major life change to get those needles going. But what I couldn't do is get to the bottom of why and how I was feeling all lost, unfocused and peculiar? If I step away from myself and look back I can now see that it's not strange at all. Half of my children have left home, and whilst I have always had lots of interests and an active social life, they have been the pivot of my world for nearly 19 years! 

My migraine, my regular companion for the past 32 years increased in frequency, the boiler finally gave up and died adding to the general stress levels and everything just seemed so ridiculously hum drum. Now I'm slowly emerging from the fog I can see it's obvious, I've been depressed. It is something that occasionally comes over me, not in 'a hits me like a brick' kind of way, more in a slowly moving wave that creeps over me unnoticed. For those that truly suffer I don't claim to be on a par with you at all, but the few episodes I have had certainly give me a small insight into that world and it is a difficult place. I take my hat off to every single person that manages somehow to fight through depression and live a day to day life. Quite frankly you are heroic in the true sense. My fog is gradually lifting. The ability to make a decision is coming back and I've now managed to get some effective medication for my migraine, so slowly does it. I have knitted so much over the past two months that my shoulder doesn't know whether it's coming or going! There are many FOs. 

A brief recap of those FOs:

Oh my goodness, I honestly didn't realise I'd done that much! I've also got two Christmas gift cowls and a shawl on the needles too. No wonder my hand's sore. Apologies for the links rather than pictures, but I seem to have deleted all the photos from my phone - slaps forehead . 

I'm truly looking forward to getting back to blogging more regularly. I've missed you all.

Much love x